can we all stop this shit already?fucking please.this is fucking depressing.fucking childish.fucking lame and detrimental.i mean we, all of us, love each other right.why the fuck this whole fiasco, unsaid or said.ohmygod. fuck lah.

a distant voice in my head tells me that it wasn't really a good day passed.
amidst the bellowing laughters and smoked-filled nasal cavities, i cannot obscure this sense of ill-ease and void.
even now, alone in the dark, i am haunted by a myriad of questions. never truly alone as goddard says. maybe the only constant companions are doubts and questions, subtract them from the equation then maybe your're really all alone.

as complicated as it seems, i have just recently found out that i was not the man i knew i was. pardon me if i give me the credit of calling myself i man. that's what uncertainty and a warped esteem does to someone. i am quite at the age of calling myself a man, but never having enough in my c.v to call myself a man. no driver's license, unemployed and no god damned idea on whereever ontowards i am heading to. at the same time, i am finding out that i am not a bastard. many people have called me that, both behind my back at face-frontal. but i am glad that i don't jump at exactly any and every opportunity. i am not lambasting or chiding, it is a form of lifestyle and i chose this.

so having formed up certain images and having at the same time tearing down some, my identity remains to be an enigma. so many inner demons to exorcise, so many choices to make and so many regrets to sigh about. god-willing apocalypse now. this inner battle is killing me.

i'm always full of sentiments after watching lonely planet six degrees.
i wish i were in asha's shoes.

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when every step u take is a foot upon a landmine. obliteration in painless seconds, no second thoughts, not even firsts. the flurry of events that unfold before you like a montage of sequence beyond comprehension. unknowing, not knowing, what struck you and what lays before you. a veil of dark cloud shrouds your vision and even if cleared leaves behind misty eyes. as the distance grows, the pitter patter of tears that sound like raining bombs grow in stature. the dizzying heights of dreams turn into flurry flights of fear not fancy. u breathe, yet all u inhale is gas fumes from the potent environment. the sands of time yield to no man, but the bellowing wind of circumstance. unknowing, unsuspecting and cluelessly lost amidst the reign of chaos.

the hand that fags is the hand that fights and the hand that fucks-fuck it all up.

fuck it, theres a strawberry used condom with you-know-what in it, lying at the stairwell outside my place.whoever did it you fucking son of a bitch i hope you become so fucking impotent that even megan fox will not turn you on.

I saw what it meant to be blind.The blessings of being blind includes the advantage of being oblivious to your surroundings.To be alienated from the truth around you which hurts so much, to see no evil and the colours of people, to be able to turn a blind eye towards your wrinking hands and drooping lids. Being blind is a two way thing; it shuts you out and it keeps people from seeing into your soul. What it means to be blind is to stay true towards your inner intuition and reject all external motivation.To be blind is to see the truth from within, unaided by all sorts of condiments and embeliishments.peace out.

No, H1N1 was not like any other 4 digits an ah pek in Singapore would seek for in some deserted cemetery. Those 4 queers numbers/letters were more like the harbingers of death and doom. What first started out innocuously like a common flu in Mexico circa 2009 held more in store for MANKIND than it ever knew. It was the Pandora's box for MAN, not hope though, but hopelessness.

If time reverted to pre 2009 days, the so called cyberspace or internet would have held information of such an eminent event's in the short history of Man. Yet there was no electricity provided anywherein the world anymore, much less a lighted moniter or network. Money could have bought you medicines like Tamiflu or antibiotics to fight the deadly disease. Yet there was no need for money now, for the WORLDS'S established forms of governance and counter-measures were utterly destroyed in the post H1N1 days. Nations crippled by the diseases abandoned all hope ,causes and reasons, governance and tyrannies, order and chaos. The world became a free for all dog-fest in which people slugged it out like animals in the pre homo-sapien days.

Money become useless pieces of testimonies of the former glorified days of MANKIND which had set about a standard of commerce worldwide. Free men steal and curtail now. Boundaries between countries blurred into ephemeral horizons that meet seemlessly. Much like the virus itself which spread like wildfire among countries, paying no respect to man's arbitrary boundaries. Man's houses were truly welcoming with open doors now, as there were no title deeds left or authorities to ensure their validity. One only need to come, see and enter.

The world of 2012 has turned out to be utterly different from the technological utopia that man foresaw before. Little did man know that 2009 was the zenith for the HUMAN RACE. The pinnacle of the smartest and most destructive species the world was ever to see.
Now, clusters and pockets of surviving humans scour the wretched earth in such of food and water. Mere scavengers like the packs of dogs in the wild.

I write to keep my sanity. But the last pencil i hold now in my hands have been expended to its very last length of lead. I must now search for another pencil, to record all i have on pen and paper, black and white. I besiege future generations of man, if you do come out tops from such an unthinkable apocalyptic events,please do truly learn and treasure.

Wilson Xie
27-01-2012.